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The Way of Self-Centeredness


Jason Kanz

The “love chapter”, 1 Corinthians 13, is familiar to many of us. Perhaps too familiar. It is a classic wedding reading and its words fill many greeting cards. I was reading it again recently and I was reminded what a dynamite chapter it really is. Most of us casually handle these few verses like some comfortable trinket, tossing them into a junk drawer until we happen to be rummaging around and happen back upon it when we think, “Oh, I used to love this chapter.” We must guard against that mistake.

As I was pondering the words of 1 Corinthians 13 this morning, I began to think about love’s opposite. Elie Wiesel has said that, “The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.” I am not sure that is exactly right, but it begins to get at truth. I also think that the opposite of love, at least a part of it, is self-centeredness.

I learned from David Powlison that sometimes writing passages out as their opposite adds new clarity to the intended meaning. I know that for me it did. I tried to come at this passage with no pre-conceived ideas about what might emerge by rendering its opposite. I am grieved to see myself in so many elements here.

The Way of Self Centeredness

Self-centeredness is demanding and rude. Self-centeredness wants what other people have. It draws attention to itself, bragging in its accomplishments and abilities, embellishing stories and puffing itself up. It is mean-spirited and unkind. It demands that others follow its protocol–its way or the highway. Self-centeredness is set-off easily, irritation rising to the surface at the slightest provocation, particularly when it observes others getting what it believes it deserves. Self-centeredness accepts wrongdoing when it improves its position and it rejects the truth when it does not. Self-centeredness quits when relationships are hard, it is chronically suspicious, it expects things to get worse. Self-centeredness drops out of the race of life as soon as it develops a stitch in its side.

Self-centeredness is a quitter.

May these words help you to understand the way of self-centeredness and the way of love more deeply:

“O merciful Father,
Forgive us for our self-centeredness and the many ways in which we justify it,
Make us more loving and other-centered, as you have steadfastly loved us.
Apart from your mercy and grace, we are undone.
May we glorify you in love.”


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